The 2026 Project, 52 Sundays, 52 Monologues
Earn and Joseph
By Jeffrey Lo
For PDF of Monologue, Click Here
ARLO
Oh, now? Today?
Lunch? Today?
Oh… gosh.
No, no, no I do want to –
I really do want to get lunch with you.
That’s honestly, so… so exciting because I’ve loved this conversation and I’ve spent the last few minutes hoping that I could see you again, after this.
So, lunch would be amazing.
Pause.
Beat.
ARLO (cont’d)
The thing is.
Um…
No, I’m not married. God, no.
I wish, amiright?
(Stops themselves:)
Sorry.
I have plans. Later today. Not lunch plans.
Dinner plans.
And I know you said we should get lunch and continue this great… great first meeting but –
So, these dinner plans are…
How do I put this –
It’s Brazilian BBQ.
All you can eat.
Have you been before?
It’s amazing.
It’s like… one of my favorite things. Ever.
They have these gauchos come out with swords of all different sorts of meat and they come around and slice it onto your plate. It’s incredible. Once we went to a spot with a golden wrapped sirloin that they sliced in front of you on a cart and cooked it on a hot slab of salt!
It was… excessive. But cool to see. And eat.
Anyways my buddies and I – we have this tradition where once a year we meet up to get some all you can eat Brazilian BBQ. We actually try to go to different restaurants each time so we can compare which ones we like more and –
Sorry, you don’t care.
What this has to do with you and me getting lunch together – which I want to repeat sounds like such a dream – how these things are related is that the Brazilian BBQ is… well, it’s quite expensive.
Like – for dinner – it can run upwards of 80 bucks a person and that doesn’t even include tip.
So when we go to an all you can eat spot… we try to get our money’s worth.
And me and my friends – we take this very seriously.
Um.
…
All of this to say.
As stupid as this sounds.
The reason I hesitate to get lunch with you even though – to be honest – there’s nothing else in the world I want more is that…
I’m committed to…
Not eating.
Until I eat Brazilian BBQ.
Because of the cost.
And my friends.
And… gosh I sound so dumb.
But yeah.
You probably have no interest in lunch or… anything with me anymore, are you?
Pause.
ARLO (cont’d)
Oh. Coffee, you say?
Oh! Yeah. That could… that works!
That’s great, yeah.
Coffee it is!
END.