THE 2026 PROJECT, 52 SUNDAYS, 52 MONOLOGUES
A Poop and a Poop and a Poop And A…
BY JEFFREY LO
For PDF of the Monologue, Click Here
JAY
Buddy.
There’s no way.
Did you just – ?
You couldn’t have…
I have changed your diaper 3 times in the past five minutes.
I changed it once.
Got your bottom back on.
Picked you up from your changing table.
Boom.
Another poop.
That’s fine.
That’s happened before.
I’ve been at this for – what – six weeks now.
I get that this is part of the game.
So I change the diaper again, but this time, the poop went down your leg a bit.
INTO your footie.
And so now not only do I have to change your diaper, but I have to do a full outfit change.
And if there is anything you hate more than a diaper change, it’s a full outfit change.
But you gotta do what you gotta do.
Once more unto the breach or whatever Shakespeare said.
I go in, back to the changing table, back to the cries, back to YOUR fury over the fact that SOMEONE ELSE has to wipe your butt for you.
That someone else is me by the way.
So I go through it all.
Zip, zip, sleeve, sleeve, leg, leg – clothes off.
Diaper off.
Hold up the legs.
Wipe the butt.
Wipe the cervices between the legs.
Slather on the butt cream.
AND THEN you decide it’s a good time to pee.
On me.
Full on pee.
On my shirt.
The one that I just put on after my first shower in FOUR DAYS (do you know how hard it is to get a shower in with you, man) and you could not do me a solid and let that shower lat.
Nope.
Pee.
Great.
Cool.
I look at you.
Eye contact.
Intense eye contact.
Not only did you decide to pee on me.
You wanted to make sure you knew I you were looking right at me as you did it.
And to top it all off, as I saw your fountain of pee coming into the air and onto my clothing, I used the clean diaper I had in my hand to cover the pee oas a reflex.
Waste of a diaper.
Sorry global warming.
Look man.
All of this is to say.
I just want a glass of water.
And it’s impossible for me to get that glass of water when you keep pooping in your diapers.
So I’m going to change this diaper.
One last time.
And I’m gonna need you to meet me half way.
And I’m gonna need you to wait on the next poop.
Ok?
By like… at least an hour.
Because I can’t live my life this way.
You’re cute and all but for real…
This is a lot.
Cool?
Cool.
Nice talk, son.
Love you.
END.