So The Other Night by Jeffrey Lo

SO THE OTHER NIGHT BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

SALLY.

 

SALLY:

Hey…

So…

The other night…

Yeah…

About that…

It was…

It was…

What?

Did I?

What do you mean I –

Did I pause for a long time?

Ok, so maybe I paused for a long time.

I probably paused for a long time but why does that matter?

What does that imply?

What?
You think that implies what?

Just because I paused a little, you think I was implying you were bad last night?

That is not –

NO!

I’m not saying I liked it either.

I’m not –

Well.

Ok.

So I did like it.

I did.

Of course I did.

Bravo to you.

Great job.

But –

NO!

I am not calling to say we should –

LOOK!

CAN YOU LISTEN!?

PLEASE!?

MEN!

JESUS!

LISTEN!

 

Pause.

 

SALLY:

Ok?

Ok.

Last night was a mistake.

Yes.

A mistake.
What?

What do you mean you knew it?

How did you know I was going to say that.

You don’t know what I was going to say –

How would you know if –

Look.

Don’t talk to me that way.

I had the courtesy to come here and see you in person.

I could’ve just – you know.

Texted.

Yeah.

I could’ve texted you that this was a mistake.

I could’ve texted.

Bad Sex. No More. Bye.

I COULD’VE DONE THAT!

Or… like… you know.
Ghosted.

I could have ghosted.

How would you have liked that?

That would’ve been a pretty bi –

 

SALLY gasps.

 

SALLY:
Don’t call me a bitch!

I’m not a bitch!

And you better not call me a slut.

I have the right to do whatever I want andf then do whatever I want after that.

And if you can’t deal with that.

If you can’t HANDLE IT.

Then you’re just –

You’re just –

GOODBYE!

 

END OF PLAY.

Do Your Best by Jeffrey Lo

DO YOUR BEST BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights up on CREATIVE.

 

CREATIVE:

Ok. So. Yeah. 

I know.

Like. 

I said I would –

But –

Look.

It’s hard.

And I know, I know, I should’ve known before –

But the things is.

I did know.

I do know.

Boy do I know.

And I’m not giving up.

I’m just…

I’m acknowledging some of this is bullshit.

Just like life.

Sometimes it’s great.

Sometimes it’s bullshit.

And just like…

Do you best.

 

Blackout.

 

END OF PLAY.

Makeup by Jeffrey Lo

MAKEUP BY Jeffrey Lo
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Morning.

BOBBI and CLAIRE in bed.

BOBBI is awake but trying not to move.

CLAIRE yawns, turns in her bed.

CLAIRE decides she is awake and stands up.

CLAIRE turns around and sees BOBBI.

 

CLAIRE: Morning.

BOBBI: … Morning.

 

CLAIRE leans over and kisses BOBBI.

CLAIRE stands from the bed.

 

BOBBI: Claire.

CLAIRE: Mmm?

BOBBI: Are you still mad at me?

CLAIRE: … no.

BOBBI: Are we made up, then?

CLAIRE: … no.

 

CLAIRE exits to the bathroom.

Silence

 

BOBBI: What?

 

Blackout.

 

END OF PLAY.

Blackjack by Jeffrey Lo

BLACKJACK BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

LAS VEGAS.

Fremont street.

The Golden Nugget casino.

PLAYER and DEALER.

A game of blackjack.

DEALER deals a 3 to PLAYER.

DEALER deals a Queen to herself.

DEALER deals another 3 to PLAYER.

DEALER deals a facedown card to herself.

Beat.

DEALER looks at PLAYER.

Silence.

 

PLAYER: Split.

 

Pause.

 

DEALER: I’m sorry?

PLAYER: Split.

DEALER: Split?

PLAYER (With no hesitation): Split.

 

Pause.

DEALER gives PLAYER time to change their mind.

They don’t.

 

DEALER: Ok.

 

DEALER splits PLAYER’s hands.

DEALER deals PLAYER a 4.

DEALER deals PLAYER a King.

PLAYER points to the 3-4 hand.

 

PLAYER: Double down.

 

Pause.

 

DEALER: Excuse me?

PLAYER: Double down.

DEALER: Which hand?

 

PLAYER points to the 3-4 hand.

 

PLAYER: Double down.

 

Pause.

 

DEALER: No.

PLAYER: Excuse me?

DEALER: No.

PLAYER: What?

DEALER: Hell no.

PLAYER: Why not?

DEALER: It’s a terrible move.

PLAYER: So.

DEALER: You shouldn’t do it.

PLAYER: Don’t you want me to make terrible moves?

DEALER: No!

PLAYER: Doesn’t house want to win?

DEALER: Yes!

PLAYER: So?

DEALER: I’m not house! I’m dealer! House is different from dealer! If you win, you know how much house pays dealer? Minimum wage. If you lose, you know how much house pays dealer? Minimum wage! So hell no I don’t want you to lose. Win all you want goddamn it!

 

Silence.

 

PLAYER: Wow…

DEALER: So tell me. What do you want to do?

 

Pause.

 

PLAYER: Double down.

 

DEALER’s eyes grow.

Blackout.

 

END OF PLAY.

Let's Laugh by Jeffrey Lo

LET’S LAUGH BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A blank stage.

Darkness.

Silence.

After some time we hear things.

We hear the news.

We hear CNN.

We hear MSNBC.

We hear Fox News.

We hear podcasts.

Then we hear politics.

We hear Bernie Sanders.

We hear Barack Obama.

We hear Hilary Clinton.

We hear Donald Trump.

We hear Ted Cruz.

We hear Brett Kavanaugh.

We hear Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

We hear Paul Ryan.

Lights up on US.

A tight, bright, white light on US.

US stands there looking at the audience.

On tops of the noise is music.

On top of the news.

On top of the politics.

Is music.

First rap music.

Then country music.

Then R&B music.

At a high volume we hear a high Ariana Grande note.

It all plays at once.

Suddenly US breaks out into laughter.

While keeping eye contact on the audience, US breaks out into immense laughter.

US breaks into forced laughter.

US breaks into intense laughter.

US laughs.

And laughs.

And laughs.

As US laughs, US breaks into tears.

US laughs and cries.

Laughter and tears.

Laughs.

Tears

Eye contact.

Laughs.

Tears.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

November Shifts by Jeffrey Lo

NOVEMBER SHIFTS BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

November 1st.

JON wakes up on a couch. 

 

JON: Uhh…

 

JON looks around and looks at himself.

JON realizes he is still wearing his Halloween costume – a pirate.

 

JON: Landry!

LANDRY (offstage):You’re awake!

JON: Landry!

LANDRY (offstage):Yeah?

JON: Why am I still wearing my Halloween costume?

LANDRY (offstage):Because you never took it off.

JON: Very funny.

LANDRY (offstage):What’s funny? It’s true.

JON: Why didn’t I take it off last night?

LANDRY (offstage):I don’t know.

JON: Why don’t you know?

LANDRY (offstage):I didn’t ask.

JON: Ugh, you’re not helpful.

LANDRY (offstage):I believe I am helpful. You slept on my couch. Without me, you’re sleeping on a sidewalk or something.

JON: Whatever…

LANDRY (offstage):Anyway, Halloween is over, and we gotta get going! It’s a new month!

JON: Get going where?

LANDRY (offstage):Halloween is over!

JON: So…

LANDRY (offstage):Hey Jon, come over here. Come check this out.

 

JON groans.

 

LANDRY (offstage):Come on Jon! Come check this out.

 

JON stands up and makes his way to where LANDRY is.

JON sees LANDRY.

 

JON: What the…

LANDRY (offstage):Like it?

JON: Already?

LANDRY (offstage):What do you mean already?

JON: It’s November 1st.

LANDRY (offstage):Exactly!

JON: I’m still in a Halloween costume!

LANDRY (offstage):You’re the one that’s late, buddy.

JON: This is ridiculous…

 

JON starts making his to the couch.

 

JON: It is not time for this.

LANDRY (offstage):Yeah it is!

JON: No it’s not.

 

LANDRY emerges wearing full on Christmas garb.

Like… intense Christmas garb.

 

JON: You look insane.

LANDRY: It’s the holiday season!

 

JON lets out a sigh.

Blackout.

 

END OF PLAY.

Today Was Tough (Part 2 - Tomorrow) by Jeffrey Lo

TODAY WAS TOUGH (PART 2 - TOMROROW) BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

JOE sits alone on a couch.

It’s the following day.

Silence.

After a moment, WENDY enters. 

WENDY is wearing a garden gnome costume.

WENDY sits across from JOE.

 

WENDY: Hey. Still here?

 

JOE nods.

 

WENDY: Have you moved since yesterday?

 

JOE shakes his head.

 

WENDY: You ok?

 

JOE shakes his head.

 

WENDY: Want anything to eat?

 

JOE shakes his head.

 

WENDY: Want to go out?

 

JOE shakes his head.

 

WENDY: It’s Halloween!

 

JOE looks at WENDY.
Silence.

 

WENDY: Ok, well, I’ll be out tonight but I’ll be back. Call me if you need anything. Anything. I’ll come.

JOE: Ok.

WENDY: Ok. Bye.

JOE: Bye.

 

WENDY begins to exit.

 

WENDY: Anything. Ok?

 

JOE nods.

WENDY exits.

JOE sits.

Lights fade.

 

END OF PLAY.

Today Was Tough by Jeffrey Lo

TODAY WAS TOUGH BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

JOE sits alone on a couch.

Silence.

After a moment, WENDY sits across from JOE.

 

WENDY: Hey.

 

JOE nods.

 

WENDY: How was your day?

 

JOE looks at WENDY to acknowledge her question but just looks away.

Silence.

 

WENDY: You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

 

Pause.

 

JOE: Tough.

WENDY: Ok… Do you want to talk about it?

JOE: Not really.

WENDY: Ok… well… you don’t have to.

JOE: Ok.

WENDY: I’ll be in the other room if you need anything.

JOE: Ok.

WENDY: Ok. Bye.

 

JOE nods.

WENDY exits.

JOE sits.

Lights fade.

 

END OF PLAY.