12:02 / by Jeffrey Lo

March 6 2018 - 1202.jpg


A lone tombstone in a cemetery.

There is a mild number of gifts and decorations surrounding the tombstone, left earlier..

The tombstone has been there for exactly seven years and one day.

It is 12:02 AM


BINIE sprints in.

She collapses to her knees by the tombstone.

She is breathing hard, struggling to catch her breath.



            (Checks her watch)

Shit! … Shit!

            (Continues to gasp for breath as she stares at her watch, devastated)

Shit… shitshitshitshit…

            (Begins to cry)

Ohmygod… OhmygodOhmygod…


I didn’t make it.


Just another thing to… fuck up.

            (Looks at the tombstone.)

I’m so sorry.

I don’t know how I –

Today was just so –

And my mom just –

I couldn’t –

No excuse.

I’m a mess.

God I’m a mess.

I am just… so sorry.


It only took seven years to break my promise.

I didn’t forget though, I promise.

I remember it like it was… five minutes ago.

You in that hospital bed, me a blubbering mess… squeezing onto your hands like it would make you stay.

“Stop it Binie, you’re gonna break my fingers!”

            (Laughs to herself)

“And stop crying. What’s that going to do? It’s my time to go and we need to be ok with that.”


Who has that kind of perspective at 27?

Not me. Not me then, and not me now.

And I looked you in the eyes and I said, “I will visit you. Everyday till the day I die. I will visit you.”

“You can’t visit me every day Binie. Don’t be stupid. Our anniversary. Every year on our anniversary. Let’s be together… Till the day you die.”

            (Starting to cry again)

And then you laughed.

And then I stopped squeezing your hands.

And then you…


And then I missed it.


I didn’t deserve you.

I mess everything up.


Security is probably looking for me by now.

I don’t know why I didn’t realize they’d lock this place up.

It just feels like a bunch of open fields so I assumed they’d be open forever.

I tried though. Promise.

I climbed over two fences and crawled under a gate to get here.

And I tried to outrun the moving spotlights they have out there.

Why they have moving spotlights here? I don’t know

It’s a cemetery for crying out loud, why do they need so much security?

            (Closes her eyes, takes a deep inhale and a big exhale)

How did I get here? I have no idea…

You probably don’t want to listen to any of this, have better things to do wherever… you are.


Things have been hard since you died.

Really hard.

And I know that shouldn’t be a shock or anything but.

I guess I didn’t realize how much having you by my side kept me together.

My mom gets worst every day.

She calls constantly asking for money and I know I should just tell her no but…

You know me and my mom.

It’s hard…

She’s so terrible but as soon as she smiles and says I’m sorry - we do stupid things.

Today, I had to stop her from throwing knives at her neighbors. I sat with her for hours before she finally calmed down and I thought I could go to work. And as soon as I thought I could go to work, I realized I was two hours late for work. And so then work insisted I stay for three extra hours which put me behind to go pick up grandpa from the hospital which put me… here.

So much… It’s all so much.

Oh man… I’m sorry. Not only do I miss our anniversary but I just go on and on about my own problems.

I just…

I miss you.

I wish you were here.

I really wish you were here.


Oh god… why can’t I keep it together?

I can’t live my life like this.

            (Closes her eyes, takes a deep inhale and a big exhale)

I will figure this out.

            (Binie stands up. Beat. She sits back down.)

But for now…

I need to sit.

And be…


I just need to be alone..

            (Closes her eyes.)