Lessons

LESSONS BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

An OLD WOMAN and an OLD MAN on stage.

OLD WOMAN: Sometimes, bad things happen to you but you can always have solace knowing that someday the person giving you trouble will someday die.

OLD MAN: When salting a steak, be sure to season all sides of it. Then let it sit before cooking it.

OLD WOMAN: If you don’t know what to do with yourself. Read a book.

OLD MAN: When varnishing a table. Don’t use too much varnish.

OLD WOMAN: When taking your driver’s test. Sign up for the DMV on Alma, not downtown. It’ll be easier to pass in the neighborhood around Alma.

OLD MAN: If you need to sneeze in a theatre… Just sneeze.

OLD WOMAN: If you’re listening to music in your car, and the other cars can hear it – it’s too loud.

OLD MAN: If you need to far in a theatre… you should leave.

OLD WOMAN: Stop looking at your cell phone so much.

OLD MAN: Don’t forget to call your mom.

OLD WOMAN: Life is a healthy balance of questioning everything and trusting the world.

OLD MAN: Know that I love you.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

Smile

SMILE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

DAMIEN, a large muscular man sits on the street holding a sign.

His sign reads “Let me know I can smile.”

After some time passes, SANDY enters.

SANDY notices DAMIEN and reads his sign.

SANDY: Excuse me, sir.

DAMIEN: Me?

SANDY: Yes. Of course you.

DAMIEN: Ok. Hi.

SANDY: Can I ask you a question?

DAMIEN: Sure.

SANDY: Is your sign correct?

DAMIEN: What do you mean is my sign correct?

SANDY: I don’t understand your sign.

DAMIEN: Does that mean my sign is wrong?

SANDY: Of course not…

DAMIEN takes a look at his sign.

DAMIEN: Yes. It is correct.

SANDY: Ok.

DAMIEN: “Let me know I can smile.”

SANDY: Right…

DAMIEN: I spend most of my days tired and unhappy and without reason or energy to smile…

SANDY: Ok…

DAMIEN:  And I just desperately want someone to let me know that I can smile.

Pause.

SANDY lets this sink in.

SANDY looks DAMIEN in the eye.

SANDY: You can smile.

SANDY hugs DAMIEN.

The hug lasts a long time.

As SANDY lets go of the hug, DAMIEN’s eyes are teary.

DAMIEN: Thank you.

DAMIEN and SANDY share a smile.

SANDY: Goodbye.

SANDY exits.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

How Do I Feel Like Home?

HOW DO I FEEL LIKE HOME? BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights up on BETHANY in her office at work.

Her cell phone rings.

She answers it.

BETHANY: Kail?

Lights up on her son KAIL.

KAIL: Hey Ma.

BETHANY: How is my boy?

KAIL: Oh, you know. Tired.

BETHANY: You must be working hard.

KAIL: Not too hard.

BETHANY: WHY NOT TOO HARD!? YOU ARE IN COLLEGE NOW!

KAIL: I know, I know. I’m kidding.

BETHANY: You better be doing good.

KAIL: I’m trying!

BETHANY: I’m working extra to pay for your schooling.

KAIL: I know ma, I know…

BETHANY: Good.

They laugh together.

BETHANY: Why did you call, Kail?

KAIL: Oh… I don’t know…

BETHANY: Is everything ok?

KAIL: Yeah! Yeah. Of course.

BETHANY: I don’t believe you.

KAIL: No, I promise. Everything is fine…

BETHANY: Then why did you say it like that?

KAIL: What?

BETHANY (Mocking KAIL):Everything is fine…

KAIL: I do not talk like that.

BETHANY: Kind of.

KAIL laughs.

BETHANY: Are you sure you’re ok?

KAIL: Yeayeah…

BETHANY: Ok…

Silence.

KAIL: I’m just a little homesick… Homesick is all.

BETHANY: Oh… you miss mama?

KAIL: I miss home. Why do you make it all about you?

BETHANY: Mama is a part of home!

KAIL: I know you are! But you’re not all of it.

BETHANY: Oh, ok, I better go then –

KAIL: No! Please. Stay.

Pause.

BETHANY: I miss you too.

KAIL: Yeah…

BETHANY: You haven’t called very much!

KAIL: I know. Sorry…

BETHANY: Why do you feel homesick now?

KAIL: I don’t know, actually. I don’t think anything did it. It just… happened, maybe? I don’t know. I just wish I was home right now…

BETHANY: Do you not like it at school?

KAIL: No, I do… I do…I just… would rather be home at this particular moment.

Pause.

KAIL: Ma.

BETHANY: Yes?

KAIL: How do I feel like home right now? Can you help me feel like I’m home…?

Pause.

BETHANY: Use your imagination, Kail… Imagine your cousins coming over for a party. 

KAIL: The food everyone brings…

BETHANY: The TV.

KAIL: The karaoke! The young ones playing Fortnite…

BETHANY: And Mama…

KAIL: Mama…

BETHANY: Mama, hugging you…

Pause.

BETHANY: Just imagine mama hugging you…

END OF PLAY.

Pretend this Ended Up the Way We Planned

PRETEND THIS ENDED UP THE WAY WE PLANNED BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Fun music plays in darkness.

Then – 

A neon light shines the title of the play – 

“PRETEND THIS ENDED UP THE WAY WE PLANNED”

Music keeps playing.

Then –

As the music finishes, lights up on a hospital.

JACKSON is standing beside LOLA who is in bed holding a baby.

LOLA: We have a baby boy!

Blackout.

Music plays again.

If no one laughs, play a laugh track maybe?

END OF PLAY.

A Long Day’s Journey Into Nonsense

A LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NONSENSE BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

Lights up on CHARACTER.

As CHARACTER looks around, the lights slowly expand to reveal a bare stage.

CHARACTER: Hello?

Pause.

CHARACTER: Hello??

WRITER appears out of thin air.

WRITER: Hi there.

CHARACTER: Oh shit!

WRITER: Did I startle you?

CHARACTER: Yes.

WRITER: But you called for me.

CHARACTER: … Sure.

WRITER: Follow me.

CHARACTER: Why?

WRITER: Follow me.

CHARACTER: Ok.

WRITER and CHARACTER walk to the other end of the stage.

Suddenly, in front of them are HUMAN SIZED GNOME, HUMAN SIZED SARDINE and HUMAN SIZED CORGI.

CHARACTER is staring at them.

WRITER: What are you looking at?

CHARACTER: What am I - ?

WRITER: What are you looking at?

CHARACTER points at HUMAN SIZED GNOME, HUMAN SIZED SARDINE and HUMAN SIZED CORGI.

WRITER: Uh huh.

Pause.

CHARACTER: So?

WRITER: So what?

CHARACTER: Is that a Gnome, Sardine and Corgi?

WRITER: I believe so.

CHARACTER What are they doing here?

Pause.

WRITER: Who would you like to speak to?

CHARACTER: What?

WRITER: You can talk to whoever. Who would you like to speak to.

CHARACTER: I can speak to whoever?

WRITER: Yes.

CHARACTER: Umm… God?

WRITER erupts with laughter.

CHARACTER: What? What’s so funny?

WRITER: I meant of these three. Who would you like to speak to?

CHARACTER: Of the Gnome, Sardine or Corgi?

WRITER: Yes.

HUMAN SIZED GNOME, HUMAN SIZED SARDINE and HUMAN SIZED CORGI look at CHARACTER and all nod their head.

Silence.

CHARACTER: No.

WRITER: What?

CHARACTER: Fuck you.

CHARACTER storms off.

WRITER: What?

CHARACTER returns.

CHARACTER: Fuck you.

CHARACTER exits again.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

Today is Sunday

TODAY IS SUNDAY BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A small dorm room.

One side of the dorm is tidy and neat.

Bed made, things organized.

On this side of the dorm sits BRENT by his laptop reading a text book.

On the other side of the dorm is an absolute mess.

Who knows where anything is?

Who knows what any of those smells are?

Who knows what that ball on the bed is?

Oh, it’s DAN.

DAN is still in bed, sleeping.

We don’t know it yet but there is a 100% chance that DAN is hungover.

BRENT flips a page.

DAN pops up.

DAN: OHMYGOD!

BRENT (Monotone):  Good morning, Dan.

DAN: I HAVE TO GET TO CLASS!

BRENT (Still Monotone):Today is Sunday, Dan.

DAN: I DIDN’T FINISH MY PAPER!

BRENT(Let’s assume he stays Monotone):Today is Sunday, Dan.

DAN: FUCK!

BRENT: Today is Sun –

DAN: I HAD A DATE YESTERDAY!

BRENT: Today is Sunday –

DAN: WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

BRENT: Dan…

DAN: I HAVE A TEST TODAY!

BRENT: Dan…

DAN: I NEED TO BUY A SCANTRON!

DAN checks the hours for the bookstore on his phone.

DAN: WHY IS THE BOOKSTORE CLOSED TODAY!?

BRENT: Today is Sunday, Dan…

DAN: HOW DID I FUCK THIS WEEKEND UP SO BADLY!?

BRENT (Finally exploding):DAN!

DAN: What?

BRENT: Today is Sunday…

DAN: Today is Sunday?

BRENT: Today is Sunday.

DAN: Not Monday?

BRENT: Today is Sunday.

DAN: Oh.

BRENT flips his page.

DAN: Why didn’t you tell me?

BRENT turns around and throws his book at DAN.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

E-Mails

E-MAILS BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

On one side of the stage is CHO lying on a California King size bed in a hotel room.

CHO is listening to music on big studio-quality headphones.

On the other side of the stage, and probably the other side of the world is TONE.

TONE is sitting outside of a café drinking a Vietnamese coffee.

TONE takes his tablet out of his bag and begins to type.

After some time passes, the lights fade on TONE.

A ding comes from CHO’s phone.

CHO shuffles about on the massive bed to find his phone and pulls it out.

TONE (voiceover):Cho, how’s it going man. I’m sending you this letter from a coffee shop on the streets of Vietnam. The air on my face from the bicyclists passing me by give me something to feel which you and I both know isn’t always the case. Unlike most times, I’m visiting Vietnam alone and of my own – shall I say – need. I love it here. I love the people. I love the food. I love the solitude I feel here. I’m not sure why I feel it here and nowhere else but at least I can celebrate the fact that I’ve discovered where I can feel it. The reason I message you is because I’ve felt unwell of late. Unwell emotionally. There are ups and downs we both know but I wanted to reach out to see what you do to deal with it. We haven’t known each other for too long but talking with you made me feel like the demons I fight are not unlike the ones you fight and perhaps we can share some knowledge. Anyway. Hope you’re somewhere beautiful and feeling the same. Thanks for the time. As always, Tone.

CHO finishes reading the e-mail and begins to tap away on his phone.

After some time passes, the lights fade on CHO.

A ding.

Lights rise on TONE, now inside of a restaurant eating a bowl of pho.

TONE takes his phone out of his pocket and smiles to see what is waiting for him.

CHO (voiceover): Tone, it’s great to hear from you. You message me at a good time because I’m lying here on a top floor suite in Vegas on a California king sized cloud and to be honest… I’m bored out of my mind. Although boredom is definitely not what I want to feel and the opposite of what one comes to Vegas for, I am happy to report that this boredom doesn’t result in any dangerous impulses from my end. Or at least yet. For now, I have a nice e-mail to read from my friend Tone and a response to write him. So thank you for that. To answer your question about how I fight the ups and downs, I think the answer – for me at least – is that I’ve trained myself not to fight it. The downs – like this boredom – is just a part of life and I think that learning to accept and live with it is my only path to continuing to live life. It’s when I was in a constant state of fighting against it and running from it where things got dangerous. This is just me, though. I don’t know if it’s helpful for you but I am happy to share this. I’m glad you reached out. Always feel welcome to do so. I have all the time in the world and I’d rather spend it connecting with a good guy like you. Hope you’re still getting your inner peace in Vietnam and are eating a warm bowl of pho as you read this. Peace. Cho.

TONE laughs as he drinks another spoonful of pho broth.

Lights slowly rise on CHO.

TONE and CHO – from other sides of the world – look at each other and nod.

Lights fade on them both.

END OF PLAY.