ZAC AND SIAH (Part 3)
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ZAC and SIAH after the crucifixion of Jesus.
SIAH
There was this moment, though, when he was hanging up there and it, like, really hit me…
He’s going to die.
And I know that’s the whole point of a crucifixion, to kill someone.
And I know that’s what he claims to have wanted.
But after he had to carry the cross up the hill like that… And all the screaming at him and the throwing rotten food at him… I just thought there might be a point where we’d all stop and go enough is enough!
You know?
ZAC breaks down into tears.
SIAH(cont’d)
Hey, Zac are you - ?
Zac…
ZAC
shitshitshit…
SIAH approaches ZAC to comfort him.
SIAH
Hey man, I know your feeling… -
ZAC
Damn him!
SIAH
That was tough to watch…
ZAC
Why did he have to do that?
SIAH
Why’d he have to get crucified?
To forgive our sins, I guess…
I mean that’s what he told us again and again.
…
And again.
ZAC
Whose sins?
SIAH
All of our sins.
ZAC
So to erase all of the bullshit that has ever happened in HISTORY?
SIAH
I guess so, yeah.
ZAC
Really?
SIAH
You know how J Christ gets man. When he gets on a roll he just starts… saying shit. I think he meant it as a nice gesture for, um, all of us.
ZAC
Ok, fine. But why THAT? Was that really the only option? That was the only sin eraser he had in his back pocket? In order to metaphoricallyforgive us for our sins, Jesus had to hang himself on a cross and die? Couldn’t he just, I don’t know, stop at getting stoned?
A brief silence.
Beat.
SIAH bursts into laughter.
ZAC
What are you laughing about?
SIAH works real hard to not laugh. He is not successful.
SIAH
Sorrysorrysorry.
ZAC
Josiah!
SIAH
I’m sorry!
ZAC
What’s so funny?
SIAH
It’s just…
I started thinking about...
(Pause)
I shouldn’t be laughing.
SIAH stops laughing for a half second then bursts out laughing.
ZAC
I swear to God Siah, if you don’t tell me why you’re laughing I’m going to –
SIAH
Crucify yourself?
Beat.
SIAH
That wasn’t funny.
ZAC
Too soon.
SIAH
Definitely too soon…
My bad.
(Beat)
Ok, so like, as you were talking I just started thinking about…
Heh.
Remember the first time J told us?
Pause.
ZAC lets a small smirk
ZAC
Yeah.
SIAH
Jesus calls that meeting just outside of Caesarea. I don’t even remember what it was for.
ZAC
A pep talk probably.
SIAH
Well J’s pep talk quickly escalates to a pep rally.
And then he really gets going –
SIAH starts to imitate Jesus.
ZAC mimics the crowd.
SIAH
We’re going to love our neighbors!
ZAC
Yeeeeeeah!
SIAH
Cause we need to treat our neighbors the way we want to be treated!
ZAC
Free love!!!!
SIAH
We’re going to take all of the money from the rich!
ZAC
Yeaaaaah!
SIAH
And we’re gonna give it to the poor!
ZAC
That’s us!!!
SIAH
(With a slight shift in gravity:)
And I know I’m among people from all walks of life.
I am among thieves.
I am among prostitutes.
I am among sinners.
For we are all sinners.
I am among the people that the world’s systems have beaten down
And I am here to say that you are my brothers and sisters.
Each and every one of you.
Is my brother and my sister.
That’s right.
Man, woman, anything in between it doesn’t matter.
You are my brother.
You are my sister.
You are whatever you want to be with me.
ZAC
(Getting into it now, as a fangirl:)
I love you Jesus!!!
SIAH
(Pointing at ZAC:)
AND I LOVE YOU TOO!
(As Jesus, takes a deep breath:)
We live in a world of hatred, and inequality.
We live in a world that has pushed us to become people we do not want to be.
And I am here to tell you that I am here to save you all.
ZAC
WOOOO!
SIAH
I am here to take all of your sins and get them forgiven.
That’s right.
I am here to take all of your sins from your souls and put them in mine.
Because that is how much I love you.
And that is how much I believe in you.
ZAC
(As himself:)
It was honestly a hell of a speech.
SIAH
And do you want to know how I’m going to do that?
How I’m going to forgive your sins?
I am going to Jerusalem.
I am going to be betrayed.
And I am going to be crucified.
(As himself:)
And as soon as he said that, Peter was like –
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!?
SIAH bursts into laughter.
ZAC can’t help himself and is
laughing too.
SIAH
We thought he was insane!
ZAC
I mean, he kind of is, right?
Who says something like that?
SIAH
Um. J Dot Christ does.
ZAC
We all tried to shut that shit down but he was having none of it.
SIAH
And then as if that wasn’t enough – he doubles down on it –
ZAC
(Now taking on the role of Jesus:)
But don’t worry everyone.
I will die, yes. I will die on that cross.
For I am just man.
But don’t you worry.
I will rise.
SIAH
(As the crowd:)
Huh?
ZAC
To prove to you all that these sins have been forgiven.
On the third day…
I will rise again…
SIAH, as the crowd, gasps.
ZAC laughs.
SIAH
And Peter’s sitting in the back muttering – are you serious right now Jesus? You are going to come back to life? And I heard Mary Magdalene whispering, who do you think you are?
ZAC
I will rise…
(Pause, then with dramatic flair:)
From the dead.
SIAH
And I’m just sitting in the back while Peter, Matt and Mary are losing their minds thinking – WHY ARE YOU SAYING THIS!? I mean, I know we’ve pulled off some crazy tricks before but this is some real shit! Hiding fish and bread and putting them into empty baskets for a million people – easy. Turning the water into wine, kind of complicated slight of hand but we figured it out.
ZAC
That one was tough.
SIAH
But I was like – RISING FROM THE DEAD?
That is real life!
We cannot help him with –
SIAH suddenly stops.
Beat.
SIAH
Oh shit…
ZAC
What?
SIAH
Oh no…
ZAC
Siah, what?
SIAH
Zac…
I…
Oh god.
ZAC
SIAH!
SIAH
We need to help Jesus rise from the dead.
END OF PLAY.