30 Year Old Drinks / by Jeffrey Lo


The day after JARED’s 30th birthday.

30 JARED stumbles out of his bedroom door.

30 JARED is surprised to see a person in his kitchen cooking eggs.

That person is 29 JARED.

29 JARED: Sup.

30 JARED: … sup.

29 JARED: Happy birthday.

30 JARED: It was yesterday.

29 JARED: I know.

30 JARED: Who are you?

29 JARED: Who do you think I am?

30 JARED: I think you’re… I mean, I don’t think you are but you look like… well…. I don’t know.

29 JARED: No, you know. You can answer. Who do you think I am?

30 JARED: I think you are me.

29 JARED: I am you…

30 JARED: But how…?

29 JARED: Unimportant.

30 JARED: … But why?

29 JARED: More important.

30 JARED: ok…

29 JARED: I am you exactly one year ago.

30 JARED: One year ago?

29 JARED: One year ago. Precisely one year ago. The day after your 29thbirthday.

30 JARED: Ok…?

29 JARED: Last night. How much did you have to drink?

30 JARED: I can’t remember.

29 JARED: Sure you can. Or… I can. You had 2 old fashions.

30 JARED: 2 old fashions?

29 JARED: Yeah.

30 JARED: And I feel like..

29 JARED: Shit?

30 JARED: Uh huh…

29 JARED: 366 days ago you celebrated your birthday. How much did you have to drink?

30 JARED: How am I supposed to remember?

29 JARED: Your friends went all out. 4 old fashions, 2 moscow mules, 3 pints of beer, a shot of hennesy… and a jagger bomb.

30 JARED: Jesus…

29 JARED: And look at me now.

30 JARED: You’re…

29 JARED: Cooking eggs.

30 JARED: Cooking eggs…

29 JARED: And loving life. Not an ache in my head.

30 JARED: But how…?

29 JARED: I’m 29 Jared… not 30… When 29 Jared drinks… it’s different than when 30 Jared drinks… and don’t even get me started on 35 Jared… it’s all downhill from here.

29 JARED puts 30 JARED’s eggs on a plate.

29 JARED: Here you go.

30 JARED: Where are you going?

29 JARED: I don’t know… probs get a drink somewhere.

29 JARED exits.

30 JARED stares at the door.

Slowly, 30 JARED eats his eggs.

Lights fade.