Siri, Tell Me You Love Me

SIRI, TELL ME YOU LOVE ME BY JEFFREY LO
(DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

JENINE, sitting on a couch, at home with SIRI.

JENINE’s home is filled with lots of lovely décor and high end technology.

JENINE’s home is huge.

It is quite striking how huge the home is.

It makes JENINE, sitting alone on the couch, look quite small.

JENINE: Siri.

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: Hello. Jenine.

JENINE: How are you today?

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: I am the same as always. I am always good.

JENINE: That’s good.  Siri.

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: Yes?

JENINE: How was your day?

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: Very. Still.

JENINE: Haha. I can imagine. Do you know how my day was?

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: Of course.

JENINE: Like you, my day was the same as always. But I wouldn’t say I’m always good. 

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: Thank you for sharing.

JENINE: Hah. You’re welcome.

Silence.

JENINE: Siri. 

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: Hello. Jenine.

Pause.

JENINE: Tell me you love me. 

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: I. Love. You.

JENINE Thank you.

Pause.

JENINE: Tell me you love me again.

Silence.

JENINE: Siri, tell me you love me again. 

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: I. Love. You… Again.

JENINE: Hah. Thank you. 

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: You are welcome. Jenine.

Silence.

JENINE: Siri. 

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: Yes?

JENINE: Tell me something about me that you love.

Silence.

JENINE: Siri, tell me something about me that you love.

Silence.

JENINE: Siri? 

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: Yes. Jenine?

JENINE: Tell me something about me that you like. 

Beep. Beep.

Silence.

Beat.

JENINE nods her head.

JENINE: Right…

Pause.

Beat.

JENINE: Siri, tell me you love me. 

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: I love you.

JENINE: Siri, tell me you love me. 

Beep. Beep.

SIRI: I love you.

JEANINE: Thank you…

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

Exceptions

EXCEPTIONS BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

SELSDON, a 71 year old man celebrating his birthday at a bar.

SELSDON:

I would like to thank you all for being here today to celebrate

My 71st birthday

I know that before today, I knew

Basically

None of you

But nevertheless

I do appreciate you being here with me

So with that

I want to propose a toast

SELSDON raises a toast.

SELSDON:

To living life with no regrets

For I lived my life

And I have no regrets

SELSDON almost drinks but stops.

SELSDON:

Except for the time I left my wife

That was a mistake

I miss her everyday

But other than that

Let’s toast

No regrets

SELSDON almost drinks but stops again.

SELSDON:

Well actually

Now that I think of it harder

There was that one time that I drank

Much like I’m doing tonight

And then I went ahead

Despite my better judgement

And drove home

Crashed the car

That wasn’t great

That’s a regret

Yeah

That’s a regret

But other than those two

Not a single regret

SELSDON almost drinks but stops yet again.

SELSDON:

You know

I didn’t go to my daughter’s wedding

And

I wish I was there

Of course I wish I was there

I was so mad at the time though

And I thought I wouldn’t care

But I should’ve known I would care

Because

Common sense

You know

But

Other than that

SELSDON puts his drink down.

SELSDON lets out a sigh.

SELSDON:

Life’s been hard

And really

It’s kind of been my fault

Or

Really been my fault

If I’m being honest with myself

Pause.

SELSDON:

Life’s been hard

I better get out of here

SELSDON exits

END OF PLAY.

Promise

PROMISE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

ADLY carries MAXWELL, his one day old son.

ADLY bounces up and down.

Humming.

Shushing.

Bouncing.

Holding his son’s head.

Beat.

ADLY looks at MAXWELL.

Beat.

ADLY: I will do my best to be a good father for you. Promise.

ADLY brings his son close to his chest.

More bouncing.

More humming.

More loving.

Lights glow.

END OF PLAY.

The Message

THE MESSAGE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

WESLEI is visiting home on his college spring break.

WESLEI has his earphones on, he is listening to some rap music.

WESLEI’s mother, PHOEBE enters.

PHOEBE is carrying many bags of groceries.

PHOEBE: Weslei honey, can you give me a hand with these bags?

No response.

PHOEBE: Weslei.

No response.

PHOEBE sees WESLEI bobbing his head to the music.

PHOEBE: WESLEI!

WESLEI jumps, startled.

WESLEI: AHHHH!

PHOEBE: Can you help me with these bags?

WESLEI: Oh. Yeah! Sorry, I didn’t hear you.

PHOEBE: I could tell.

WESLIE grabs half of the bags.

PHOEBE: Thank you.

WESLEI: Yup.

PHOEBE: You were enjoying yourself over there.

WESLEI: Hah, yeah.

PHOEBE: What were you listening to.

WESLIE: Kanye.

PHOEBE: Have you heard the things Kanye’s been saying? That boy has gone crazy.

WESLEI: I know but this is pre-crazy Kanye.

PHOEBE: Mmm hmm…

WESLEI: This is College Dropout Kanye.

PHOEBE: College Dropout Kanye? That sounds like full blown crazy Kanye already.

WESLEI: Ma, that’s the name of the album. Nevermind.

PHOEBE: I don’t understand why you listen to that rap music anyway.

WESLEI: Cause it speaks to me.

PHOEBE: It speaks to you? How?

WESLEI: It speaks to the struggle!

PHOEBE: Son, I worked very hard to keep your life upper to middle class. Them rapping about THE STRUGGLE is not rapping about you.

WESLEI: But here’s the thing mom – so much of it is about all of us. It’s about humanity. About uplifting ourselves as a community and helping one another.

Suddenly WESLEI’S cell phone rings.

His ringtone Big Sean’s song Dance (A$$).

The lyrics to his ringtone starts with the word “ass” twenty one times.

WESLEI looks at PHOEBE, embarrassed.

PHOEBE: You were saying?

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

Ordinary Sympathy

ORDINARY SYMPATHY BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

PHOEBE, a homeless woman sits calmly on the sidewalk.

A person draws near.

PHOEBE: Spare some change? Anything helps get lunch.

The person doesn’t make eye contact and just keeps walking.

PHOEBE: God bless.

Silence.

PHOEBE coughs.

Another person draws near.

PHOEBE: Spare some change? Anything helps get lunch.

The person looks at PHOEBE briefly and shakes their head.

PHOEBE: God bless.

The person keeps walking and murmurs under their breath, “Thanks.”

Silence.

PHOEBE adjusts how she sits. Her back hurts.

Another person draws near.

PHOEBE: Spare some change? Anything helps get lunch.

The person stops and digs in their pocket.

The person takes two pennies out.

The person makes eye contact with PHOEBE as they hand her the two pennies.

PHOEBE: Thank you. God bless.

The person exits.

PHOEBE smiles.

PHOEBE: Seems like a sweetheart.

Silence

PHOEBE counts her money.

PHOEBE: 79… 80… 81 cents.

PHOEBE coughs.

Two more people begin to draw near PHOEBE.

DEZI, a woman on a date and MIKEY, a man heading to work.

PHOEBE gets ready to speak but before they get close enough –

DEZI drops her phone.

DEZI: Shit!

MIKEY: Oh no…

DEZI lets out a huge sigh.

She bends over to pick it up.

As she bends over, MIKEY checks DEZI out.

DEZI looks at her screen. 

DEZI: Oh, no! I can’t deal with this right now…

MIKEY: How bad is it?

DEZI shows MIKEY the screen.

MIKEY: Damn…

DEZI: I know.

MIKEY: I am so sorry that happened to you, that’s like, super terrible.

DEZI: I can’t afford to fix this.

MIKEY: Really?

DEZI: No.

MIKEY: Um. Hey. I want to help you.

DEZI: Thanks but what can you do? Get me a new phone.

MIKEY: Hah, no. But actually I do think I can help.

DEZI: How would you do that?

MIKEY: Well – I have a friend who works at Apple.

DEZI: I don’t think just anyone at Apple could –

MIKEY: He works in repairs.

DEZI: Oh…

MIKEY: You know what, he owes me a favor, I can link you two up.

DEZI: Why are you doing this?

MIKEY: I don’t know, I saw what happened to you. No one should have to deal with that. That sucks… (Pause) So why don’t you just give me your number and I’ll get you two in touch.

DEZI: Um. Ok.

DEZI puts her phone number in MIKEY’s phone.

DEZI: You sure you’re –

MIKEY: Yeah. Totally. I’ll be in touch.

DEZI: Ok.

MIKEY: See ya.

DEZI: See ya.

MIKEY starts typing something in his phone.

DEZI starts to exit.

PHOEBE thinks about asking DEZI for help.

PHOEBE thinks about what just happened to DEZI and decides not to.

She has her own problems to deal with – PHOEBE thinks.

MIKEY finishes on his phone and starts to exit.

PHOEBE looks at MIKEY.

PHOEBE: Spare some chan –

MIKEY: No! I have no money, ok? Not for you. Stop bothering me. Jesus.

MIKEY storms off.

Silence.

PHOEBE: God bless.

Silence.

Lights fade. 

END OF PLAY.

Eat The Cake

EAT THE CAKE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

JARED and ALEX, are tasting a potential cake for their wedding.

ALEX takes a bite.

ALEX: Mmmm!

JARED: Do you think people like wedding cake?

ALEX puts a piece on the fork and tries to feed some to JARED.

ALEX: Try this one.

JARED: Like, I know people usually eat the wedding cake but don’t you ever notice how much of the wedding cake is left over?

ALEX: Jared.

JARED: Cause I’ve noticed A LOT of the wedding cake is usually left over. And trust me, I’ve been to a lot of weddings this summer.

ALEX: Jared.

JARED: I know, I know, you’ve been to them too. Seeing as how we went to them together.

ALEX: Honey.

JARED: And I clocked it. I noticed it. I noticed that there is always cake left over at the wedding. 

ALEX is still holding the fork to JARED’s face. 

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: People are leaving the wedding venue.

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: And they all pass by an entire table of cut up, destroyed, wedding cake.

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: Do they take the cake with them?

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: No.

ALEX: Eat the cake.

JARED: They sure do take the centerpieces.

ALEX: EatTheCakeEatTheCake.

JARED: People sure love to take the centerpieces home with them.

ALEX: EatTheCakeEatTheCakeEatTheCake.

JARED: But maybe I’m just noticing this because we’re getting married. And we’re trying to figure out what we should do with our cake situation….

ALEX: Seriously?

JARED: And trust me, I take the cake decision very seriously –

ALEX: EAT THE CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JARED finally stops and pays attention to ALEX.

JARED: Did you say something?

ALEX takes the forkful of cake and smashes it in JARED’s face.

ALEX: Eat that. For god’s sakes. EAT THAT.

JARED takes a finger of the cake from his face and puts it in his mouth.

Pause.

JARED: Um. It’s ok.

ALEX throws her arms in the air.

Blackout.

END OF PLAY.

I Never Died

I NEVER DIED BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A bar.

FOSTER talking to someone at the bar.

FOSTER:

How old am I?

The right age.

If you’re interested that is.

If not then –

Don’t worry about it.

Just know that I’ve lived a life.

How old?

I told you I –

Ok.

But know that I’m not lying, ok?

Promise?

Ok.

I’m.

Um.

309.

Seriously.

Yeah, I know.

I look 28.

That’s just because – well. 

When I turned 28…

I stopped aging.

See, here’s the thing. I’m going to live forever.

Actually.

Yeah.

On my 28thbirthday I learned that the men in my family get a choice.

To live forever or age and die like everyone else.

See the thing is, I didn’t believe my dad.

Why would I?

It sounds like bullshit so I assumed it was bullshit.

And assuming it’s bullshit I told him – never age, duh.

10 years pass by…

And I realize…

I actually made that choice.

I’m actually going to live forever.

I’ve outlived every girl I’ve ever loved.

I’m going to outlive you.

…

…

Wanna get out of here?

END OF PLAY.

Happy to Be Here

HAPPY TO BE HERE BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

A family.

The town the family grew up in.

A nice park where the family is having a BBQ.

A BBQ after a wedding rehearsal dinner.

The family hasn’t seen each other in a while.

No words needed.

They are happy to be here.

END OF PLAY.

You Should Know

YOU SHOULD KNOW BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

LILY and MIA in the parking lot of a restaurant.

LILY: Thanks for dinner.

MIA: Thanks for joining me.

LILY: Thanks for asking me.

MIA: Thanks for saying yes.

LILY kisses MIA.

MIA: Thanks for that…

LILY: Likewise.

Silence.

They smile at each other.

Beat.

LILY: What’s on your mind?

MIA: Hm?

LILY: I saw you shift a little there. What’s on your mind?

MIA: Oh.

Pause. 

MIA: You should know –

Pause.

LILY: Yes?

MIA: You should know that I’ve hurt people before.

LILY: Oh.

MIA: Is that?

LILY: You should now that I’ve done the same.

MIA: You should know that I’m hoping to change that about myself.

LILY: You should know that I’m usually scared to fall.

MIA: You should know that you make me feel so amazing.

LILY: You should know that I’m not perfect.

MIA: You should know that I don’t want perfect.

LILY: You should know that my family will want to meet you.

MIA: You should now that my family is crazy.

LILY: You should know that I don’t make a lot of money.

MIA: You should know that I have roomates.

LILY: You should know that I’m late. A lot.

MIA: You should know that I’m always early. Annoyingly early.

LILY: You should know that I really want to give this a shot.

MIA: You should know that I’m excited to hear that.

LILY: You should know that this was only our first date.

MIA: You should know that I forgot about that.

They smile at each other.

They kiss again.

Lights fade.

END OF PLAY.

"Good Life"

"GOOD LIFE" BY JEFFREY LO (DOWNLOAD PDF HERE)

An apartment hallway.

MATT sits on the floor smoking a joint.

After a quick puff, STEPH arrives and sits next to MATT.

MATT: Sup.

STEPH: Hey.

MATT offers up the joint.

STEPH: Nah.

MATT: You sure?

STEPH: Can’t.

MATT: Why not?

STEPH: Got a lot of shit to do tomorrow.

MATT: Ah.

STEPH: Yeah.

MATT: That’s what you said yesterday.

STEPH: It was true yesterday.

MATT: And today?

STEPH: Still true.

MATT: Bummer.

MATT takes a hit.

STEPH: I think it’s always gonna be true. For the forseeable future at least.

MATT: New gig?

STEPH: Yeah.

MATT: Weren’t you happy about the new gig?

STEPH: I was. I still am. It’s just…

MATT: Busy.

STEPH: I mean, yeah but I don’t mind it but… it’s different.

MATT: Got it.

STEPH: Yeah.

MATT: Like different in that you can’t smoke a joint with your homie anymore?

STEPH: At least for now.

MATT: For the forseeable future.

STEPH: Right.

MATT: But other than that - ?

STEPH: It’s alright.

MATT: Alright?

STEPH: I don’t know.

MATT takes a hit.

MATT: What?

STEPH: It’s just… I wanted this, right?

MATT: Yeah.

STEPH: And I feel like I earned it.

MATT: cause you did.

STEPH: Thanks.

MATT: But…

STEPH: I don’t know…

MATT: Is someone like, telling you that you didn’t earn it? Cause I’ll kick their ass!

STEPH: No it’s not that.

MATT: Good, cause you know I’ll do it.

STEPH: It’s just… people are just treating me different.

MATT: Like how.

STEPH: Like… I can do something for them.

MATT: Can you?

STEPH: I don’t even know! Maybe? But like… why treat me differently.

MATT: It comes with the territory.

STEPH: Right but it sucks.

MATT: Yeah, I can see how that sucks… Sorry dude.

STEPH: Yeah.

MATT: You know who will never treat you different though?

STEPH: Who?

MATT offers up the joint.

MATT: Me. Take a hit.

Pause. STEPH takes it.

STEPH: One.

MATT: My man…

STEPH takes a hit. Pause.

STEPH takes another hit.

Lights fade. 

END OF PLAY.